I want you to be so calm someday that it scares people.
Be calm might seem like an odd choice for The 10 Laws of the Alpha Male, but I’m dead serious.
Being authentically calm is a super power.
To varying degrees most people are riddled with anxiety, emotional instability, insecurity, and inner chaos of every kind under the sun. Double that for most women.
Beta males in particular have minimal control over their body and emotions, very much like women.
Intentional, authentic calmness will get you far in life as an alpha male. With women they will feel like gravity is drawing them towards you.
Most men will respect you for this, even admire the calmness, especially when it’s tested by any amount of pressure, big or small.
Be the calmest guy in the room, always.
Dealing with a cop? That dude has a loaded gun on his hip. For all you know his wife cheated on him last night and he’s twelve beers deep.
You have no idea.
Your best default course of action? Be calm. Move calm. Speak calm. Even if he’s being a huge dick.
You have everything to gain by being calm, and staying calm. Everything to lose with sudden movements and a loud, fast voice. The last thing you want to do is pump this guy’s adrenaline or cortisol even higher.
One of the “tricks” of being calm and staying calm is that it puts social pressure on the people around you to calm down. You are setting the alpha standard in any given social context or conflict. You are leading by example, and the longer they stay agitated the more retarded they feel.
This applies for virtually every domain of life, especially when dealing with someone who has authority over you in a given context. (Even something as stupid as a coffee shop manager.)
Calmness in excess can be bad. It becomes inauthentic when reality demands something different.
Stoicism is popular among young men today. It can also be cope bullshit. Uh no, you don’t need to be “stoic” when a couple of assholes break into your house. You need to take care of business. Sometimes calmness is not the answer.
But it’s almost always the best, first answer, and a default state to maintain clear thinking, clear emotions, and general alphaness.
Calmness is not the lack of emotions or total restraint. Being calm does not equal being a passive, limp dick robot.
Being calm means staying in command of your body, mind, emotions, and above all your focus.
As an alpha male you are the driver and author of your own life. To be alpha is to be calm.
Unless and until it's time to switch gears.
Watch this clip from my keynote speech The Future is Still Masculine to see this in action.
On a final note some practical tips…
Classic stillness meditation is extremely useful for building calmness. The supplement L-theanine is also helpful (see resources section).
Active stress management practices like long walks in nature, ice baths, and hot Epsom salt baths are also useful.
Ultimately developing calmness is going to be a major behavioral change, a permanent change in mindset.
It will come primarily from doing things that are genuinely uncomfortable for you, that scare the shit out of you, that challenge you.
Things that help you “find the hero in your own soul” as philosopher Ayn Rand would put it.
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